Wasn't Supposed To Be You
by Tabrina
Summary: During the a zombie outbreak, there isn't much room for error.  For the BTR Kink Meme, but not really kinky JAGAN


You know all those zombie movies, where the zombies are slow, stupid, and you could probably lock them all in a room with a bunch of carpets and fireplaces, light them on fire and be done with it? Well, too bad they all lied. Zombies were stupid James would give them that, but they were only as slow as the person they had been was. Zombies were driven purely by the need to feed, and they would do anything to get that flesh, blood, tissues, anything. James had unfortunately witnessed one feeding on another human, they were like ravenous dogs, and didn't leave much besides bone, and they even sometimes would try and chew on that.

You had to be quick when you went out for food, or just to find somewhere that hadn't been overrun. Thankfully, their main priority was just finding food at this point. Their little group who had thankfully still remained all in one piece, had snuck out in the dead of night and had made it to the outskirts of the city. There was a small one bedroom house that was completely empty when they found it, and had boarded it up with whatever they could find, making sure there was no entrance except one, that was constantly guarded.

Their group consisted of James, Logan, Carlos, Ms. Knight, Katie, Jo, Camille, and Kendall, who had almost been the first of their group to go. The night they had tried to find shelter they were spotted by a group of the infected and Kendall took it upon himself to make as much of a ruckus as he could as he told their group to run, as he lured the zombies away. That night, their leader had yet to return, and Ms. Knight could barely control her sobs. It was two nights later when Camille, who had been on watch at the time, saw a body sneaking towards the door. They all had grabbed their weapons, mostly baseball bats, hockey sticks, and anything else they could find, ready to attack. Yet as the person got closer the unmistakable Kendall hair and plaid shirt gave him away. He remained fine, but by just barely. He was exhausted when he returned to their hideout, explaining that he couldn't return until he was certain that he wasn't being hunted.

Tonight, it was Logan and James' turn to venture out in search of food. They went in groups of two, afraid that anymore than that would draw unwanted attention. They had practically become accustomed to life as it was now, seeing as it had been the norm for them for a few weeks now. They were as cautious as ever, but seemed less and less frightened as the days went on. They traveled at night, knowing that their attackers eyesight was no better than their own, and the stench of rotting flesh was a little hard to ignore. They could usually smell an infected person before they'd see them, at least if they had been dead for a while. Some that had just been infected were a little harder to tell, their skin usually still looking somewhat normal.

James and Logan decided to take a road they had yet to travel, hoping to find something of variety on their trip this time. There were no words spoken, needing to be as quiet as they could be traveling the streets. James keeps a tight grip on Logan's hand, knowing that if the need to run arose, they'd feel the tug, and neither would be left behind. He had originally held Logan's hand on their first outing, knowing the smaller of the two was beyond frightened, and wanted in some way to comfort his boyfriend even if he was panicking a bit on the inside as well. It had become habit for him to just hold Logan's hand on their treks, but on their third night, it had become a security measure.

Their fingers were wound together just like they had been the previous two nights, and as they neared the small gas station, they were relieved to see that it appeared to be fully stocked, untouched you may say. There was a broken window, and some blood on the floor, smeared towards the back bathroom, but it looked to be days old, so both assumed whoever, or whatever had been drug in their, was a goner by now. Logan had set about grabbing a few boxes of food, and drinks, not daring to grab a bag of any sort and risk the noise that accompanied it. He was reaching for a fourth box of macaroni and cheese, when he felt James hand tighten around his own, as he was then being slowly tugged out of the store. He looked to James, his breathing picking up as panic began to set in. James nodded his head towards the back corner of the store, and as Logan looked, he severely wished he hadn't.

Standing a few rows away from them, was what appeared to once be a man, his lower jaw was missing, his tongue dangling down, a few tendons and muscles dangling with it, and Logan has to resist the urge to vomit, and slowly follows in the direction James is pulling him in. They had made it back to their hideout, Logan taking a timeout to as quietly as he could vomit in a back alley somewhere, before they finished their trek to what they now called home. James had made it a rule then on that they would just hold hands, that way if something like that were to ever happen again, they wouldn't need to speak, possibly alerting their would be assailant.

So this night goes as any other has before it, their fingers intertwine as they head out the door of their little safe house, and they head off in any direction they feel like, James carrying a large metal bat while Logan leaves his hands empty to grab more supplies. They keep their back towards the walls, hearing just how much louder it sounds tonight than it has in previous nights. Kendall had mentioned yesterday that it seemed that the number of infected were growing when Carlos and him had made their run. It wasn't a surprise that the longer and longer it went on, that more people were going to be falling at the hands of the zombies, it was just plain fact, a fact James' wished was wrong. Yet he couldn't deny that it seemed everywhere he looked tonight he could catch a glimpse of movement in his line of sight, and he had pulled Logan a bit closer than usual.

They had made it to what looked like a grocery store of some kind, most of the shelves being bare, knocked over, and the store looking an absolute mess, but at least there were still various foods to be found. Logan went about grabbing as much as he could, while James stood watch, as usual, slightly more alert due to the increase of activity. When something fell at the end of the aisle they were standing in, Logan immediately stopped, James pulling the smaller boy behind him as he brought his bat up into a ready to swing position. It took only a few seconds before the face of a gaunt woman came running towards him, and it took less than a second for James to swing at her. He had always been raised never to hit a lady, but he really couldn't count any of these as people anymore. Sure at one point it probably had been someone's mother, sister, daughter, but right now, she was nothing but a killing and eating machine.

The bat had made contact with her skull, just as James had intended, and sent her flying into a shelf, which only caused more noise as the things began falling. James winced at the noise they were causing and knew that they had to get out of here, and fast. Just as he was about to pull Logan, he heard the boy let out a cry of pain, and James world crashed around him as he saw a… well he wasn't sure of the gender at this point, with it's teeth latched into Logan's arm. He brought the bat down onto it's head and began to pull Logan as quickly as he could from the store, noticing more and more that the commotion was bringing more and more of them. He only stopped running when it seemed they were safe, tucked away in a darkened alleyway, Logan's breathing labored.

"James, you have to leave me here," Logan whispered, not wanting to alert anything to their presence. James merely shook his head, gripping onto Logan's hand tighter, and tried to pull the boy with him. "James, stop. I can't go back with you, I… I don't want to hurt any of you guys… especially not you." James refused to listen to him, his Logie could not have been bitten. It didn't happen, it couldn't have happened, so they were both going back home, hand in hand, just as it had been. "James, knock it off," Logan hissed, trying to still remain as quiet as possible, while getting it across that he could not go back with James.

James turned back towards Logan, tears welling up in his eyes as he shook his head, pulling Logan to him before grabbing him bridal style, and setting off back towards the house. James refused to let the tears fall from his eyes as Logan protested and tried to squirm away from him, because if he cried, he was admitting that any of this had happened, and it hadn't. Logan was fine. When they returned to the house, Logan was sweating, and heaving heavy breaths, that almost seemed pained and feverish. Kendall noticed immediately, eyebrows raising in sadness, shaking his head and swallowing heavily.

"Logie… no." Logan nodded, still weakly trying to push away from James, but the stronger boy was having none of it. Kendall walked up to James noticing the way the taller boy backed away, shaking his head, his lips in a thin line of defiance. "James, we have to…" Kendall couldn't finish his sentence, didn't want to think about what they were going to have to do to their once best friend.

"No, he's fine, aren't you Logan? You'll be fine, we'll patch you up, you can fight it, I know you can!" James smiled, despite the tears that had finally broken loose, rolling down his cheeks in a never ending stream. James buried his face in the boys hair, kissing his cheeks, his nose, anything he could reach.

"James, stop," Logan's voice caught in his throat, tears rolling down his own face, but not for his own fate. He was afraid for James, the boy who currently was practically growling at Kendall for daring a step towards him. James looked at him, eyes red and clear tear tracks rolling down his cheeks. "Put me down." Logan's voice was calm, as he looked up at James, trying to keep the wheezing and pain he was feeling from showing. His body felt like it was on fire, and it was like having the worst fever in history. James did as was told, setting Logan down, but almost instantly wrapping his arms around the boy. There was not a dry eye in the whole house, not even Katie was ashamed to cry as she watched her older brothers fight with themselves on what they knew must be done.

"Kendall," Jo spoke up quietly, walking up to the blonde and placing something in his hands. Something that made even their strong leader let out a choked sob. The black gun had been taken from a weapons store they had passed on their way to the home they now somewhat lived in. It had been too noisy to use in their everyday fighting, but no matter how loud it may be, they knew it was the only way for Logan. It would be quick and painless, and it would be a lot easier than having to hit him in the head with a bat, or anything else.

"Get some rope," Logan said, looking towards Carlos. He didn't say a word after that as he took James' hand in his own, walking with his head high as he walked outside, and towards the back of the house. There was a thick forest park not far from where their little house resided, and being that no people were around there, the infected were scarce, not fast enough to catch the small critters that made the woods their home. The gunshot that was to come would be heard, but they would be far enough away that they could have at least get back home in time before anything would be near.

It was just the four of them that left for the deed ahead. James holding tightly to Logan's hand, tears dripping down his face as he fought with himself to not just grab Logan and run, somehow find a way to stop whatever was about to happen. Carlos was hiccupping with barely contained sobs, gripping onto Kendall's arm tightly, shaking as he watched Logan lead their small group towards the forest. Kendall had the gun held in both his hands, his hands unsteady as he felt like he was marching in a funeral procession. Logan however, besides the tears on his face, seemed calmer than anyone. He was in massive amounts of pain by this point, but he couldn't show his friends his fear, or his pain. He could at least be glad that this way, he wouldn't become something that could harm his friends. The bullet to his brain would kill him, his brain, and any hopes of ever returning as anything other than himself. He was at least slightly comforted that he wouldn't be returning and possibly mauling one of his closest friends, or worse, the love of his life, James.

Logan stopped when he felt they were far enough away, surrounding by thick forest trees, and let out a shaky breath. Yet whether it was from pain, or his nerves, he wasn't sure. Turning towards his friends, he gave them a small smile, in which he hoped was reassuring, but only seemed to make them even sadder.

"I.. don't know how long I have. So before we start our goo-" he choked on his own words, never figuring that he'd have to be saying goodbyes to his friends so early in his life. He figured they'd live long happy lives, he'd be a doctor, James would be more famous than ever, Kendall would be a pro hockey player, and Carlos? Well he wasn't sure what Carlos ultimately wanted to be besides a super hero, but he was sure he'd figure it out and they'd all be right there behind him supporting his decision. Logan wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his jacket before attempting to continue. "Before we say goodbye, I need you guys to tie me to the tree. I don't want to risk hurting anyone. So please?" He took a seat in front of a sturdy looking tree, looking up into the three sets of tear filled eyes.

Kendall was the first to move, grabbing one side of the rope from Carlos as they began securing him. James merely stood in place, staring down at Logan and unmoving. Besides the slight gag Logan heard as the ropes finally began to surround him, he could have swore that James was nothing more than a beautiful statue. Then, just as Logan can feel the rope tightening and Kendall and Carlos must be tieing it, James moves, like a flash of lightning and is hugging him as best he can with the smaller boy tied to a tree trunk.

"Let him go, please don't do this! Kendall please fix it! You always have a plan, why don't you have a plan for this!" James is hysterical, trying to grab the rope and pull it from Logan's body, even as Kendall tries to pull him away. Suddenly they are all crying, and Logan feels that he's starting to fade in and out, and he has to make sure he says goodbye before he turns into something he'd rather not think about.

"James," Logan speaks softly, quietly, and watches as the tall boy stops struggling against Kendall and is looking at him, and really James has never looked so wrecked. His eyes are red, his cheeks are tear stained, his nose was running just slightly from his tears, and his lips are also moist from every salty tear that's run past them. James approaches him timidly, as if Logan will turn to ash at any moment, and Logan only wishes that was how it would be. "Please, do this for me. I- I don't want to be one of those things. I don't want to hurt you, or anyone else. I don't want to be mindlessly driven to… eat. It hurts already, and I don't want to think of what it will feel like once it actually happens." James is shaking his head as Logan speaks to him, but at least his eyes are starting to hold an inkling of understanding, and Logan knows that even if James hates the idea, he knows what he has to do. James takes a seat beside him, his arm awkwardly around Logan's head, letting the boy's head rest on his bicep, while he gently strokes Logan's hair.

"Carlos," Logan speaks, looking up to the boy who's got his arms wrapped around Kendall, and looks as if Kendall wasn't helping him stand, he'd have already fallen to the ground in a tearful mess. "I'm sorry I never let you do anything fun," he pauses to swallow heavily, the sound of his heartbeat slowing in his hears being drowned about by the sound of Carlos' quiet argument.

"You j-j-just wanted me to b-be safe." Carlos lets go of Kendall, practically falling in front of Logan and wrapping his arms around his waist, managing to squirm them between the boy and tree. He cries into Logan's shoulder, the sound thankfully muffled by the fabric of his clothes. It felt like every tear Carlos was letting fall to Logan's shirt was one piece of his innocence slipping away, and Logan almost wish he could command Carlos to go back home, not to see what he knew was coming.

"Please, stay safe, and don't… don't ever lose that sparkle. I know it's hard right now, but never forget that in our group of four, you will always be the laughter that keep our spirits high." Carlos nodded, his lower lip jutted out in a very pout like manner, that Logan doubted Carlos even realized he was doing it. Carlos placed a small kiss on his cheek, and sat back, leaning against Kendall, who Logan hadn't even realized had knelt before him. Kendall gripped his jeans tightly, tears falling to stain the material a darker shade of blue as his head hung low.

"I'm sorry Logan… so sorry." Kendall shook his head, and Logan wanted to reach out, hug their leader and tell him that it wasn't his fault, that there was no way that it could have been his fault, but he remained tight to the tree, so he could only nudge him with his foot gently. Kendall looked up, still shaking his head, even as he leaned forward hugging Logan as Carlos had. "If I could trade places with you-"

"Stop." Logan leaned his head against Kendall's as it rest against his shoulder. "Everyone needs you Kendall. You are the leader, and even though that has got to be the hardest position right now, you've done so well already. None of us would be here now if it weren't for you, so please. If anyone… I'm glad it's me. I'm not strong enough… if it were anyone else. So please, keep everyone safe." Logan smiled as Kendall gave him another small squeeze, apparently not having the voice to speak, and as he sat back Logan could see why. It was a rare occurrence to see Kendall cry, and he had only seen it a select few times before this, but he had never in his life seen Kendall cry so hard.

He had one goodbye left, and it was going to be the hardest one he had ever had to give. Sat beside him, licking his lips of the salty tears that trailed there, and was staring at the ground in such a way that Logan figured the boy was trying to melt his way through the earth.

"You know how much I love you right?" James head whipped up to look at him, and James finally moved, his legs resting besides Logan's own, as he turned towards the boy. "You know that none of this is your fault either. It was an unfortunate event that could have happened to anyone, and we were helpless James. So please, if I ask one thing of you, it's that you don't ever feel guilty. Because that would…" Logan trailed off, not sure saying 'that would kill me' was the best choice of words at this point.

"Logan, I-I don't want you to go. Please. Stay with me." James rest his palms against Logan's cheeks, pressing their foreheads together. Logan didn't respond, because he knew that James already knew that he couldn't. Logan would have loved to be able to find some magical cure for this, to be able to stay with his friends, and cure everyone. "What am I going to do without you?" James hazel eyes bore into his own brown ones, and Logan smiled slightly.

"You live James." And with that Logan tilted his head just enough to capture James' lips with his own, their tears mixing on their cheeks and across their lips as they slid down. The kiss was passionate, and both tried to pour every ounce of love they'd ever had for each other into it. James tasted of cinnamon and something just James as their tongues mingled, and it wasn't a playful fight for dominance that their kisses usually became. It was simply love, in it's purest form. The words of 'I love you' slid from both of their lips in multiples as their lips danced around each others. It wasn't as if the other didn't know of the love that they shared, but it was a comfort to them both in this, their darkest of hours.

"I will always love you Logan," James whispered against the others lips, as he felt Logan's lips tug into a small smile.

"I'll always love you too James. Please, be careful, and be safe. I'll try and watch over you… and everyone." James watched as Logan's breathing picked up, coming in harsh pants as more tears spilled from Logan's chocolate eyes. Logan was in pain, and he was changing right before James eyes, but the boy never backed away. He kept their foreheads pressed together, watching as Logan's eyes went from watching him, to almost seeming to glaze over, as the boys brow furrowed. "James…" Logan ground out through clenched teeth. "Please." Logan was losing the battle within himself, and no matter how much he wished he could fight it off, he couldn't. He watched with unclear eyes as Kendall handed James the black gun, and then he felt the cold steel press against his temple. It was more of a relief than it should have been.

James pressed his foreheads to Logan again, staring into the eyes of the one he loved most as he pressed the gun to Logan's head. Logan smiled at him as they pressed their lips together again, returning to their whispered mantra of 'I love you' as James finger shook on the trigger. The shot rang out across the woods, and if any noise after that was made, James couldn't hear it because of the ringing in his ears. He felt when Logan's lips went slightly slack against his own, yet the crooked smile somehow remained. When James opened his eyes, not sure when he had shut them, the chocolate orbs were nearly completely black with the way the boys eyes had dilated, and James brought his shaking hand up to close them, never once moving his head away from Logan's. He felt Kendall's hands begin to tug at his shirt, telling him that with the loud noise, they needed to leave shortly, before they were found. James whispered his side of the mantra once more, wishing he would hear it back, as he placed a last kiss to the boys lips. When the sound finally began to return to his ringing ears, he could hear Carlos quiet sobs muffled in Kendall's shirts, and Kendall's own choked noises.

Rising to his feet, he could feel the wind whip around them, as if trying to dry all their tears.

* * *

Sooo this was for the kink meme.. But it didn't really come out kinky.. More just angst out the wazoo. So ya.. I hope you enjoy it… I know it didn't come out all that Jagany but.. MEEEHH I tried.


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